I wish I had different news for yall. Yesterday I had a faint line, which I knew meant another chemical pregnancy. Today, nothing. I had the strongest pregnancy symptoms I've ever had and I knew that I was pregnant. God just had other plans. As hard as it is to reconcile, I know God is for me. I have been claiming his peace and his love over me as a banner.
We went to church yesterday even though I felt like hiding in my covers. We were running a little late, so we sat in the back on the bleachers. The band started Blessed Be Your Name. I could feel hot tears running down my face, so glad it was dark. I could hardly sing, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, but in my heart I shouted every word with all that I had. I couldn't lift my hands, but I lifted my eyes to Him.
I haven't stopped praying my prayer, for glory to Him and Him alone in this. Last week I met with an amazing woman. She and her husband tried for 11 years with losses and seasons of infertility before the Lord 'woke them" to the idea of adoption. It was then 2 more years, with some adoption losses and deep heartache before the Lord gave them their little boy. So humbling for me. She reminded me that the blessing of a child would be the most amazing and incredible gift...one that I would never take for granted after walking this road. I believe that with all of my heart.
So, we move forward like we prayed to adoption. There are three agencies that we are praying over. Our first step is to pick one, be accepted by them, and then start the application and homestudy process. So exciting! I have been reading through an amazing book called Adopted for Life. It's completely blown my little heart away on Christ's call to the church to "care for the orphan." I am even more blown away by our church that has such heart for adoption and assists in helping families bring these precious children home.
We aren't giving up on having biological children. We believe God could totally blow us away with an amazing miracle! I will keep taking great care of myself with my team of naturopaths. I think we will take a few months off, I really want to focus on ministry and adoption paperwork. I also may do another HSG (surgery to check out the whole reproductive area) if our doc agrees. I feel like we may need to look for some scar tissue as a result of the surgery from July. We'll see what his thoughts are.
Thank yall for your prayers, love, support....everything. We know God has a family for us, picked from the beginning of time and carried in our hearts. During these last two weeks I had two different dreams that I was pregnant. The second one on Saturday night was incredible. I had a inside view of the womb and this precious baby girl that was growing. I am not sure that it was my own womb, but it was amazing! She was tiny and beautiful, living and growing. I cried in the dream as I watched her, front row seat to the miracle of life and the power of God. I am no dream interpreter, but I believe she is mine. Not sure where she'll come from and when she'll be here, but I was overwhelmed with what I believe was a little gift from God. I can still see her as vivid as ever. We long for that blessing, we wait patiently for God's timing and the great and glorious way he'll reveal it to us. Keep praying for me, for my heart to see God's abundant love and faithfulness, even when I don't understand and that I won't question his plan....but see Him as a loving and giving Creator who is working all things for our good.
The verse that's been on my heart these last two weeks is Psalm 20:
"May he grant you your heart's desire and fufill all your plans!...... Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer them from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright."
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
In Case You Were Wondering
I know yall are stalking like crazy to know what the results are. I am nine days past ovulation, so it's a little early still. Keep praying friends! I will test on Sunday morning, but I probably won't post to tell everyone until Monday evening. That's all I am going to say!! ;)
Two Years!
Yesterday was our two year wedding anniversary! Wow. I CAN believe it's been two years, it's been an awesome two years, but definitely two years of the Lord stretching us and deepening our faith and our dependence on him.
I'd like to highlight just some of the things that I love about my man:
1) He's the world's greatest mopper-that man can mop him some floors and leave them sparkling clean.
2) He never makes me clean up dog mess, ever. Bless him!
3) He keeps my grammar in check
4) He leaves me love notes in strategic places, got one this morning telling me how hot I was.
5) He prefers chore lists left for him to complete-every woman's dream.
6) He is incredibly protective of me.
7) He encourages me to walk with the Lord.
8) He walks with the Lord.
9) Breakfast is his speciality, and he makes my breakfast almost everyday.
10) He pumps my gas when it's cold or raining or just because it was low.
11) He moisturizes.
12) He makes the world's best homemade popcorn.
13) He is bearded.
14) He is strong, handsome, masculine.
15) He is my best friend and the most encouraging person I know. His love for me truly reflects the beautiful picture of Christ's love to his bride. He is my prince charming and I am SO very blessed to be his wife.
Hopes of many more wonderful years to come! I love you, Jacob!
Monday, January 25, 2010
What A Mighty God!
We did decide after much prayer on a church in Austin, we are so excited to be apart of the Austin Stone and can't wait to see what God has for us there in friends, ministry, and growth.
I just wanted to share with yall a Blog from our worship leader, Aaron Ivey. He and his wife have waited 2 1/2 year to adopt a precious child from Haiti. Even though we are brand new to this church, I already feel an incredible bond with the people we have been privileged to meet there. Aaron's heart was so poured out last week in worship as he cried out to God to bring his son home. Can you just imagine not being able to comfort your child, knowing he's safe, but sleeping outside and his caretakers are running out of food and water?? Well, friends less than a week later, the Ivey's received word that Amos and other children had received emergency visas and were going to be arriving in Orlando. Today, he is home with his family. WOW! God is so incredible! Read Amos's story here and the Ivey's journey to bring him home:
http://aaronivey.com/
Here is the CNN interview last week with the Iveys and their children:
http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2010/01/15/familys-adopted-son-in-haiti/
I just wanted to share with yall a Blog from our worship leader, Aaron Ivey. He and his wife have waited 2 1/2 year to adopt a precious child from Haiti. Even though we are brand new to this church, I already feel an incredible bond with the people we have been privileged to meet there. Aaron's heart was so poured out last week in worship as he cried out to God to bring his son home. Can you just imagine not being able to comfort your child, knowing he's safe, but sleeping outside and his caretakers are running out of food and water?? Well, friends less than a week later, the Ivey's received word that Amos and other children had received emergency visas and were going to be arriving in Orlando. Today, he is home with his family. WOW! God is so incredible! Read Amos's story here and the Ivey's journey to bring him home:
http://aaronivey.com/
Here is the CNN interview last week with the Iveys and their children:
http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2010/01/15/familys-adopted-son-in-haiti/
Saturday, January 23, 2010
A Holy Number
As promised, I wanted to keep you all updated. Last week was a really great week for me, a busy week, but really good. I had 30 minute drives everyday to and from my parent's house, so I had a lot of prayer and thinking time. We had prayed for three follicles, not too many, not to little. We had prayed that I wouldn't need to come back for another scan on Monday. One, because it's getting to be a pricey cycle....I don't have insurance that covers fertility treatments. Two, because that's a lot of driving for a 30 minute appointment. Well, friends the Lord heard our prayers!
Wouldn't you know there were three maturing follicles! I laughed......probably a little close to Sarah's laugh when she heard she'd have a baby in her nineties. I was just shocked! I prepared myself to see a lot more and then we'd of backed of the meds and prayed that not all of those follicles matured to ovulation. Quickly, that changed to awe. He's so good. Then, the better news....I don't need to come back Monday! Yippee! So, I continue injections through Sunday night and push ovulation with a injection on Monday night and then the wait begins.
The two week wait begins and I feel such peace. I am so in awe and I don't know what the outcome will be....but I do know that God is good.
Updates to come. Also, a teaser and prayer request. Pray for us as we pray about adopting an orphan that has come over from Haiti. More details soon...........................................
Wouldn't you know there were three maturing follicles! I laughed......probably a little close to Sarah's laugh when she heard she'd have a baby in her nineties. I was just shocked! I prepared myself to see a lot more and then we'd of backed of the meds and prayed that not all of those follicles matured to ovulation. Quickly, that changed to awe. He's so good. Then, the better news....I don't need to come back Monday! Yippee! So, I continue injections through Sunday night and push ovulation with a injection on Monday night and then the wait begins.
The two week wait begins and I feel such peace. I am so in awe and I don't know what the outcome will be....but I do know that God is good.
Updates to come. Also, a teaser and prayer request. Pray for us as we pray about adopting an orphan that has come over from Haiti. More details soon...........................................
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Praying & Trusting
I am in Houston working for the week, so it's been a pretty hectic week thus far. It's Jacob's first week of school, and I hate that I can't be there to pack his lunch and send him love notes. It's been pretty funny to talk about "college life" with him. "Of course I remember that Tuesday/Thursday classes begin on the half hour hunny. What was I thinking?!" Tonight he attended the Engineer's Society meeting and he told me that they provided free food. Get this.....chicken wings, mac and cheese, brownies, and ranch dressing for dipping!! Sick! He said it was quite a sight to see the nerds, I mean Engineering students devour it all. Some took leftovers on trays! Ah, the days of free food! Miss those. Wouldn't touch that meal with a ten foot pole.
I know you all must be wondering where we are in the journey to become parents. I haven't ever said much as far as treatments...only shared the tough-to-swallow aftermath. I have prayed a lot about sharing anything, but was praying on the way to work today and thought, "the people that do read this do really care and we need their prayers, so why not?!" I feel led to be honest with yall about where we are going and the outcomes, joys and heartaches. This is our first cycle to try injectibles. After so much prayer and thinking and prayer and back and forth reasoning....you get the idea, we decided to give this a try. My doctor really thinks that doing FSH injections will give us a good chance to get pregnant with a good egg. FSH is made naturally by the female brain before ovulation at the beginning of the cycle. It allows the follicle to develop and estrogen begins to rise before ovulation. We are using extra FSH to produce more follicles that are hopefully more stable than the one I generally make every month. Yes, there is a high risk of multiples. No, my doctor won't let me get pregnant with 8 babies! Don't panic. He is monitoring me very closely to make sure I have no more than three. The rest is up to the Lord. I've been giving myself injections all week and see him Friday morning to see where I am and when we push ovulation. So much prayer has gone into this decision. Jacob and I have been asking God to do what he's going to do and we trust Him. I had planned to be here in Houston a month ago and we ordered the medicine from London three weeks ago. My cycle had to begin last week on Thursday or Friday for us to start the injections at the right time. You have to begin injections on cycle day 3-5. I had to be here for an appointment Monday to have another Friday before I left to go home. I had a lot of peace. If it didn't come, it wouldn't work. No big deal, just not the cycle or month to try. I wasn't necessarily "throwing out a fleece" either, just really felt a peace that God would work all the details out if he wanted us to move forward. Well, everything happened right on time and so I went to my first appointment Monday morning. That's a huge deal considering that I have had two 40 days cycles since the loss in July and everything has been extremely unpredictable. We are so excited and really hopeful.
I sit here today with such an overwhelming peace in my heart that had really been robbed from me over the last four months. I need to confess to yall that I had not been trusting the Lord, seeking to have a quiet heart, having patience, and waiting on Him. I was holding a lot of bitterness in and I distanced myself from my Abba. I hate that. I love him so much and need him desperately. These last few months, I've only been going through the motions and in survival mode, wasting time that could have been used for great glory. Ugh, Lord please break me and make me more like you. I am deeply flawed and so battle my flesh. My sweet husband has covered me in prayer, and I mean covered. My man went to war for me in prayer, fighting with the Word against those things that he saw tying me to emptiness. I love him. What a gift he is! Precious, precious gift. Well, I am back yall. Just so filled with my Lord's presence and overwhelmed by his grace. He's so changed my heart, as he always does..when I give up the control.
I have a new prayer. I've been praying this prayer for a few weeks now. It goes a little something like this: "Lord, if it brings you the greatest glory to give us a baby, then Lord give us a baby. But if it brings you more glory to not allow us to get pregnant, then we'll submit that desire to you with our whole hearts. Lord, if it brings you more glory for us to lose another baby, then we trust you in that too. Increase our faith.....increase your glory."
Hard prayer to pray and I know those of you that have journeyed with us in our losses are cringing at the thought of us losing another child. It's a real hard one for me too, but I mean it with every fiber of my being. I don't want that to be the outcome...but I know he has gone before me and he is with me. It boggles my mind to think of the miracle that is life and not see the hand of God wrapped completely around it. I can't change my Lord's will for my life, I can just trust that "he's working out everything for my good."
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
He's so faithful, been so faithful to the Martins. We're trusting him in this and believing Him to do great things in our lives and greater things for eternity. Pray for us in this sweet friends. Pray for a miracle, but more importantly....pray for us to stand on faith and glorify God together no matter the outcome. Jacob and I have hearts enlarging towards adoption. We are thrilled about bringing home a baby to be apart of our family. What a picture it is of Christ and our being "adopted" through his sacrifice on the cross. I firmly believe that we will adopt even if we are blessed to have children of our own. This excites me so much, I can't even stand it! I have great hope for our future and He has all the plans for that future.
Bless yall.
I know you all must be wondering where we are in the journey to become parents. I haven't ever said much as far as treatments...only shared the tough-to-swallow aftermath. I have prayed a lot about sharing anything, but was praying on the way to work today and thought, "the people that do read this do really care and we need their prayers, so why not?!" I feel led to be honest with yall about where we are going and the outcomes, joys and heartaches. This is our first cycle to try injectibles. After so much prayer and thinking and prayer and back and forth reasoning....you get the idea, we decided to give this a try. My doctor really thinks that doing FSH injections will give us a good chance to get pregnant with a good egg. FSH is made naturally by the female brain before ovulation at the beginning of the cycle. It allows the follicle to develop and estrogen begins to rise before ovulation. We are using extra FSH to produce more follicles that are hopefully more stable than the one I generally make every month. Yes, there is a high risk of multiples. No, my doctor won't let me get pregnant with 8 babies! Don't panic. He is monitoring me very closely to make sure I have no more than three. The rest is up to the Lord. I've been giving myself injections all week and see him Friday morning to see where I am and when we push ovulation. So much prayer has gone into this decision. Jacob and I have been asking God to do what he's going to do and we trust Him. I had planned to be here in Houston a month ago and we ordered the medicine from London three weeks ago. My cycle had to begin last week on Thursday or Friday for us to start the injections at the right time. You have to begin injections on cycle day 3-5. I had to be here for an appointment Monday to have another Friday before I left to go home. I had a lot of peace. If it didn't come, it wouldn't work. No big deal, just not the cycle or month to try. I wasn't necessarily "throwing out a fleece" either, just really felt a peace that God would work all the details out if he wanted us to move forward. Well, everything happened right on time and so I went to my first appointment Monday morning. That's a huge deal considering that I have had two 40 days cycles since the loss in July and everything has been extremely unpredictable. We are so excited and really hopeful.
I sit here today with such an overwhelming peace in my heart that had really been robbed from me over the last four months. I need to confess to yall that I had not been trusting the Lord, seeking to have a quiet heart, having patience, and waiting on Him. I was holding a lot of bitterness in and I distanced myself from my Abba. I hate that. I love him so much and need him desperately. These last few months, I've only been going through the motions and in survival mode, wasting time that could have been used for great glory. Ugh, Lord please break me and make me more like you. I am deeply flawed and so battle my flesh. My sweet husband has covered me in prayer, and I mean covered. My man went to war for me in prayer, fighting with the Word against those things that he saw tying me to emptiness. I love him. What a gift he is! Precious, precious gift. Well, I am back yall. Just so filled with my Lord's presence and overwhelmed by his grace. He's so changed my heart, as he always does..when I give up the control.
I have a new prayer. I've been praying this prayer for a few weeks now. It goes a little something like this: "Lord, if it brings you the greatest glory to give us a baby, then Lord give us a baby. But if it brings you more glory to not allow us to get pregnant, then we'll submit that desire to you with our whole hearts. Lord, if it brings you more glory for us to lose another baby, then we trust you in that too. Increase our faith.....increase your glory."
Hard prayer to pray and I know those of you that have journeyed with us in our losses are cringing at the thought of us losing another child. It's a real hard one for me too, but I mean it with every fiber of my being. I don't want that to be the outcome...but I know he has gone before me and he is with me. It boggles my mind to think of the miracle that is life and not see the hand of God wrapped completely around it. I can't change my Lord's will for my life, I can just trust that "he's working out everything for my good."
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
He's so faithful, been so faithful to the Martins. We're trusting him in this and believing Him to do great things in our lives and greater things for eternity. Pray for us in this sweet friends. Pray for a miracle, but more importantly....pray for us to stand on faith and glorify God together no matter the outcome. Jacob and I have hearts enlarging towards adoption. We are thrilled about bringing home a baby to be apart of our family. What a picture it is of Christ and our being "adopted" through his sacrifice on the cross. I firmly believe that we will adopt even if we are blessed to have children of our own. This excites me so much, I can't even stand it! I have great hope for our future and He has all the plans for that future.
Bless yall.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Our New Home!!!
We are finally settled! Hooray! I think we have two boxes left, which will require patience and getting out the shredder. We really love it here! It's a beautiful neighborhood with jogging trails, a dog park, and it's own library. We have wonderful neighbors, who we have been praying for and getting to know. Genuinely sweet people. Our dogs are on cloud nine with the backyard. I can't get them to come inside! We love having a backyard too and my husband is gearing up for his first big project, the Spring garden. Austin really is a beautiful city and has a slower pace about it. We're excited to be here and see what God has in store for us.
We had our first guests. My parents came to stay with us last weekend. That was fun with four dogs in the house!! Since we are visiting churches, they came with us to a sweet little church on Sunday. We had a lot of fun, mom and I decorating, and the boys off at the movies. Sound about right??
I am recovering from busy season and traveling over Christmas. It about did me in. It's been really nice working from home and given me an opportunity to de-stress. I have already found an amazing team of naturopaths here in Austin to help take care of me and that's been such a blessing. Having a macrobiotic restaurant here that serves all organic, vegan food has also been amazing! There have been so many nights that I have been too tired to cook and so we can still get a healthy meal. If you ever are in town and want a truly amazing meal, then you must try Casa De Luz, http://www.casadeluz.org/.
As promised, here are pictures of our new home:
The view from the street
Entrance to my office
The big, open kitchen, love it
Here's the breakfast nook off the living area and kitchen
The backyard, it wraps around on both sides of the house. To the right of the deck is where my garden is going this Spring
The view from the back door
The stone fireplace, one of my favorite things
The living area 
We had our first guests. My parents came to stay with us last weekend. That was fun with four dogs in the house!! Since we are visiting churches, they came with us to a sweet little church on Sunday. We had a lot of fun, mom and I decorating, and the boys off at the movies. Sound about right??
I am recovering from busy season and traveling over Christmas. It about did me in. It's been really nice working from home and given me an opportunity to de-stress. I have already found an amazing team of naturopaths here in Austin to help take care of me and that's been such a blessing. Having a macrobiotic restaurant here that serves all organic, vegan food has also been amazing! There have been so many nights that I have been too tired to cook and so we can still get a healthy meal. If you ever are in town and want a truly amazing meal, then you must try Casa De Luz, http://www.casadeluz.org/.
As promised, here are pictures of our new home:
The view from the street
Entrance to my office
The big, open kitchen, love it
Here's the breakfast nook off the living area and kitchen
The backyard, it wraps around on both sides of the house. To the right of the deck is where my garden is going this Spring
The view from the back door
The stone fireplace, one of my favorite things
The living area 
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)