I got to hang with college students last Thursday night at Austin Stone On Campus. It was pretty amazing to hang and worship with over 1200 students! Jeff Mangum gave an incredible message that pretty much punched me right in the face. I was unprepared...c'mon I was going to a college event....it was going to be mission trips, service opportunities, and getting involved, sing Kumbaya, right?? Wrong.
If you asked me right now what my five year plan looked like, I could spew it at you within 15 seconds:
Plug into Austin and ministry here, have a few kids (I even have my perfect age spacing in mind), Jacob finish school and get a job, get settled somewhere and find a home, pick up some new hobbies, start on my book, learn to sew, grow my silly, short-sided faith..............
At 28 1/2, I thought things would be GREATLY different. I've been so disappointed lately that I am not where I thought I should be by now. I see so many that are where I long to be. I find myself holding onto things that God's been literally pulling each finger off. He's the greatest, I am the least. Get over yourself and your silly man-made plans, Cristina.
Mangum pulled this one out. James 4:13 "Come, now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'----yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance."
Punch. Ouch.
The Matthew Henry's Commentary on this chapter was another face punch:
"How vain it is to look for anything good without God's blessing and guidance. The frailty, shortness, and uncertainty of life ought check the presumptuous confidence of all projects for futurity.....We are always to depend on the will of God. Our times are not in our own hands, but at the disposal of God. Our heads may be filled with cares and contrivances for ourselves, or our families, or our friends, but Providence often throws our plans into confusion. All we design, and all we do, should be with submissive dependence on God."
I am sore.
Are the plans I dream and conjure and play-out in my mind, laid down at the feet of my Lord with submissive dependence?? Always, all the time, with everything? Do I offer each decision and dream and care from the noteworthy to the mundane with a pure heart that says, "Lord, all yours......please get me, myself, and I out of the way!" I want to say that everyday I "lay it all down" and trust God for his perfection, his character, his holiness, just himself, but let's be honest. It's easy to make much of what I want and think I need, heck......that's 8 of 10 prayer requests. Hear me, they aren't bad things, those things I desire and most likely neither are yours....but are we wrecked out, sold out for God's plans for us so much so that when things go far from our idea of how we think they should, that we have JOY still?! Disappointment, sure, fine for a bit.....but then a switch to utter joy and a quiet heart because we are "tucked into" the will of God for our life. His best laid plans, not ours.
Definitely given me some good things to chew on. Lord, continue to throw my silly five year plan into confusion.....so that I live for you today, your glory, for eternity.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Puppy Love
Aren't they precious? These two bring me so much joy and laughter. However, I got a bloody nose this morning by this guy who decided to adjust his leg while snuggling and elbowed me right in the nose! Still love him....
This little girl is my snuggle buddy. She loves to sleep curled up right next to me, sometimes down under the covers, head on my knee. Lola girl, you are the cutest!
That face can change your life too!
This little girl is my snuggle buddy. She loves to sleep curled up right next to me, sometimes down under the covers, head on my knee. Lola girl, you are the cutest!
That face can change your life too!
She's so dainty and yet she means business!
Monday, February 8, 2010
God's Plan
I wish I had different news for yall. Yesterday I had a faint line, which I knew meant another chemical pregnancy. Today, nothing. I had the strongest pregnancy symptoms I've ever had and I knew that I was pregnant. God just had other plans. As hard as it is to reconcile, I know God is for me. I have been claiming his peace and his love over me as a banner.
We went to church yesterday even though I felt like hiding in my covers. We were running a little late, so we sat in the back on the bleachers. The band started Blessed Be Your Name. I could feel hot tears running down my face, so glad it was dark. I could hardly sing, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, but in my heart I shouted every word with all that I had. I couldn't lift my hands, but I lifted my eyes to Him.
I haven't stopped praying my prayer, for glory to Him and Him alone in this. Last week I met with an amazing woman. She and her husband tried for 11 years with losses and seasons of infertility before the Lord 'woke them" to the idea of adoption. It was then 2 more years, with some adoption losses and deep heartache before the Lord gave them their little boy. So humbling for me. She reminded me that the blessing of a child would be the most amazing and incredible gift...one that I would never take for granted after walking this road. I believe that with all of my heart.
So, we move forward like we prayed to adoption. There are three agencies that we are praying over. Our first step is to pick one, be accepted by them, and then start the application and homestudy process. So exciting! I have been reading through an amazing book called Adopted for Life. It's completely blown my little heart away on Christ's call to the church to "care for the orphan." I am even more blown away by our church that has such heart for adoption and assists in helping families bring these precious children home.
We aren't giving up on having biological children. We believe God could totally blow us away with an amazing miracle! I will keep taking great care of myself with my team of naturopaths. I think we will take a few months off, I really want to focus on ministry and adoption paperwork. I also may do another HSG (surgery to check out the whole reproductive area) if our doc agrees. I feel like we may need to look for some scar tissue as a result of the surgery from July. We'll see what his thoughts are.
Thank yall for your prayers, love, support....everything. We know God has a family for us, picked from the beginning of time and carried in our hearts. During these last two weeks I had two different dreams that I was pregnant. The second one on Saturday night was incredible. I had a inside view of the womb and this precious baby girl that was growing. I am not sure that it was my own womb, but it was amazing! She was tiny and beautiful, living and growing. I cried in the dream as I watched her, front row seat to the miracle of life and the power of God. I am no dream interpreter, but I believe she is mine. Not sure where she'll come from and when she'll be here, but I was overwhelmed with what I believe was a little gift from God. I can still see her as vivid as ever. We long for that blessing, we wait patiently for God's timing and the great and glorious way he'll reveal it to us. Keep praying for me, for my heart to see God's abundant love and faithfulness, even when I don't understand and that I won't question his plan....but see Him as a loving and giving Creator who is working all things for our good.
The verse that's been on my heart these last two weeks is Psalm 20:
"May he grant you your heart's desire and fufill all your plans!...... Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer them from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright."
We went to church yesterday even though I felt like hiding in my covers. We were running a little late, so we sat in the back on the bleachers. The band started Blessed Be Your Name. I could feel hot tears running down my face, so glad it was dark. I could hardly sing, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, but in my heart I shouted every word with all that I had. I couldn't lift my hands, but I lifted my eyes to Him.
I haven't stopped praying my prayer, for glory to Him and Him alone in this. Last week I met with an amazing woman. She and her husband tried for 11 years with losses and seasons of infertility before the Lord 'woke them" to the idea of adoption. It was then 2 more years, with some adoption losses and deep heartache before the Lord gave them their little boy. So humbling for me. She reminded me that the blessing of a child would be the most amazing and incredible gift...one that I would never take for granted after walking this road. I believe that with all of my heart.
So, we move forward like we prayed to adoption. There are three agencies that we are praying over. Our first step is to pick one, be accepted by them, and then start the application and homestudy process. So exciting! I have been reading through an amazing book called Adopted for Life. It's completely blown my little heart away on Christ's call to the church to "care for the orphan." I am even more blown away by our church that has such heart for adoption and assists in helping families bring these precious children home.
We aren't giving up on having biological children. We believe God could totally blow us away with an amazing miracle! I will keep taking great care of myself with my team of naturopaths. I think we will take a few months off, I really want to focus on ministry and adoption paperwork. I also may do another HSG (surgery to check out the whole reproductive area) if our doc agrees. I feel like we may need to look for some scar tissue as a result of the surgery from July. We'll see what his thoughts are.
Thank yall for your prayers, love, support....everything. We know God has a family for us, picked from the beginning of time and carried in our hearts. During these last two weeks I had two different dreams that I was pregnant. The second one on Saturday night was incredible. I had a inside view of the womb and this precious baby girl that was growing. I am not sure that it was my own womb, but it was amazing! She was tiny and beautiful, living and growing. I cried in the dream as I watched her, front row seat to the miracle of life and the power of God. I am no dream interpreter, but I believe she is mine. Not sure where she'll come from and when she'll be here, but I was overwhelmed with what I believe was a little gift from God. I can still see her as vivid as ever. We long for that blessing, we wait patiently for God's timing and the great and glorious way he'll reveal it to us. Keep praying for me, for my heart to see God's abundant love and faithfulness, even when I don't understand and that I won't question his plan....but see Him as a loving and giving Creator who is working all things for our good.
The verse that's been on my heart these last two weeks is Psalm 20:
"May he grant you your heart's desire and fufill all your plans!...... Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer them from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
In Case You Were Wondering
I know yall are stalking like crazy to know what the results are. I am nine days past ovulation, so it's a little early still. Keep praying friends! I will test on Sunday morning, but I probably won't post to tell everyone until Monday evening. That's all I am going to say!! ;)
Two Years!
Yesterday was our two year wedding anniversary! Wow. I CAN believe it's been two years, it's been an awesome two years, but definitely two years of the Lord stretching us and deepening our faith and our dependence on him.
I'd like to highlight just some of the things that I love about my man:
1) He's the world's greatest mopper-that man can mop him some floors and leave them sparkling clean.
2) He never makes me clean up dog mess, ever. Bless him!
3) He keeps my grammar in check
4) He leaves me love notes in strategic places, got one this morning telling me how hot I was.
5) He prefers chore lists left for him to complete-every woman's dream.
6) He is incredibly protective of me.
7) He encourages me to walk with the Lord.
8) He walks with the Lord.
9) Breakfast is his speciality, and he makes my breakfast almost everyday.
10) He pumps my gas when it's cold or raining or just because it was low.
11) He moisturizes.
12) He makes the world's best homemade popcorn.
13) He is bearded.
14) He is strong, handsome, masculine.
15) He is my best friend and the most encouraging person I know. His love for me truly reflects the beautiful picture of Christ's love to his bride. He is my prince charming and I am SO very blessed to be his wife.
Hopes of many more wonderful years to come! I love you, Jacob!
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