Another year has come and has gone. Isn't it every year that we evaluate on this day, who we are, where we've come, and what we long to be. It has been an emotional morning for me as I awoke and reflected. I just happened to watch the "year in review" on prime time and am amazed at all the major events that happened in 2009. Some great and noble, some clouded in scandal, and mostly sadness. I am reminded of a fallen world, so in need of a redeeming Savior. My heart was overwhelmed as I was reminded of the suffering economy and those without jobs and relying on welfare to survive. I have much to be thankful for and am so, so blessed.
A year ago today, I lost my sweet grandmother. I told Jacob yesterday how I couldn't believe that it's been a year. How I miss her! Yet, I know where she is and am comforted by the very Presence that she dwells with this very second.
Christmas was really difficult for me this year. I don't mean to be Debbie Downer, so hang with me here because it will get better, I promise! As much as I prayed to turn my focus on what Christmas really means, I felt truly sad in my heart. I couldn't help but feel the weight of my empty arms and empty belly. As the twins would-be due date gets closer and closer, I am filled with sorrow. I battled my flesh to the point of emotional exhaustion. Do I trust the Lord? Yes! Do I believe he is for me? Absolutely. Then "why so downcast, oh my soul?" I can't even put it into words, I feel incomplete sometimes, like a piece of the puzzle is missing. I'll be honest enough and say that these last couple months have been extremely difficult with all the change, the stress of work, and my body not working. I've been distant, I've let the enemy distract and torture me with his lies. I imagine every women who battles with loss or infertility gets to this place at some point in their journey. It's a lonely, lonely place. To my sisters who walk this road, I pray for you. Trust in the Almighty, he has not abandoned you. Nor has he abandoned me. He is with me, he has gone before me.
Here we are, in a new place....with new visions and places and people. I know God has great purpose for us here, for me, for Jacob...with who he has designed for us to meet and where he has hand-picked for us to minister and to serve. Our purpose is to glorify his name in all we do. It's a new day.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18-19
I am believing God for who he is this year. I am setting my heart to have a deeper faith, the kind that steps when there is no step and believes God to make one. Oh Lord, please continue to enlarge my faith! I long to be a woman that prays more and speaks less. Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear! I pray that I can love others deeply with the love of Christ. I have so much more to learn and miles to go. I am thankful for a new year that can be an incredible year.
So, yeah 2010! Here come the Martins! I hope you are ready for us.
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
A Time To Dance
I've been MIA on the blog world lately. Work has been really busy and I am holding on for dear life as I make it to the end of the month. Praying things slow down!
We still don't know where my husband's next project is going to be, there is an inkling that it will be here, but we don't want to get too excited yet.
I have been having some tests run a the doc, so it's been a little crazy with that as well. God is good though and we trust Him completely.
I feel God's hand resting over us in uncertain times. He's really deepening our faith, which is a beautiful thing....yet sometimes we feel the sandpaper of His love scratching away the rough spots and it hurts! We believe that everything we go through is to bring Him glory and it's our vow to make it so.
A couple Sundays ago, we were sitting in church. Unlike most Sundays, where worship begins with an upbeat, on-your-feet song, this service began with the lights low and the music quiet and reverent. I took this time to be still and to pray in my seat. Let me digress, the prior week was a rough one and I really felt hard-pressed and somewhat defeated, emotionally exhausted if you will. On the way home Friday, I prayed and asked the Lord to bless me. Yep, sure did. "Lord, I need something, I need to know you're near!" Friday night sent me into another shock wave and it was far from a blessing. I felt totally deserted. I wept in my husband's arms for the second week in a row. I asked the Lord to make me brave, to give me more strength, more faith. Back to Sunday at church, there I am worshipping, praying, head in my hands. As clear as day I heard Him say, "Dance!" I picked my head up and looked around as though I expected it came from somewhere else or that He wanted me to start dancing. "Daughter, dance!" "Dance in sorrow, dance in pain, dance in joy." "Dance!" "Remember, I can do IMPOSSIBLE things." By this time, I am literally weeping. The kind where your body shakes and you need to blow your nose ASAP, yes that kind. Luckily, I composed myself before the lights came up and I didn't have to get up and leave. On the drive home I told Jacob what had happened. He quickly reminded me that the Lord had sent His blessing, His voice......in His time! He sent this gift on the Sabbath, a day to rest and remember, a day to worship and sing praise. As Jacob reminded me, it wasn't just a command, it was a promise! I will dance! That night, I referenced every verse with the word "dance". I had to take a breath. Two key verses used the word dance as an opposite to mourning. God was promising me that He would remove my sackcloth, my mourning and that I would dance.
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" Ecc. 3:4
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Psalm 30:11-12
So my friends, wherever today finds you. I pray that you dance...dance in sorrow, dance in pain, dance in joy! Just dance.
We still don't know where my husband's next project is going to be, there is an inkling that it will be here, but we don't want to get too excited yet.
I have been having some tests run a the doc, so it's been a little crazy with that as well. God is good though and we trust Him completely.
I feel God's hand resting over us in uncertain times. He's really deepening our faith, which is a beautiful thing....yet sometimes we feel the sandpaper of His love scratching away the rough spots and it hurts! We believe that everything we go through is to bring Him glory and it's our vow to make it so.
A couple Sundays ago, we were sitting in church. Unlike most Sundays, where worship begins with an upbeat, on-your-feet song, this service began with the lights low and the music quiet and reverent. I took this time to be still and to pray in my seat. Let me digress, the prior week was a rough one and I really felt hard-pressed and somewhat defeated, emotionally exhausted if you will. On the way home Friday, I prayed and asked the Lord to bless me. Yep, sure did. "Lord, I need something, I need to know you're near!" Friday night sent me into another shock wave and it was far from a blessing. I felt totally deserted. I wept in my husband's arms for the second week in a row. I asked the Lord to make me brave, to give me more strength, more faith. Back to Sunday at church, there I am worshipping, praying, head in my hands. As clear as day I heard Him say, "Dance!" I picked my head up and looked around as though I expected it came from somewhere else or that He wanted me to start dancing. "Daughter, dance!" "Dance in sorrow, dance in pain, dance in joy." "Dance!" "Remember, I can do IMPOSSIBLE things." By this time, I am literally weeping. The kind where your body shakes and you need to blow your nose ASAP, yes that kind. Luckily, I composed myself before the lights came up and I didn't have to get up and leave. On the drive home I told Jacob what had happened. He quickly reminded me that the Lord had sent His blessing, His voice......in His time! He sent this gift on the Sabbath, a day to rest and remember, a day to worship and sing praise. As Jacob reminded me, it wasn't just a command, it was a promise! I will dance! That night, I referenced every verse with the word "dance". I had to take a breath. Two key verses used the word dance as an opposite to mourning. God was promising me that He would remove my sackcloth, my mourning and that I would dance.
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" Ecc. 3:4
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Psalm 30:11-12
So my friends, wherever today finds you. I pray that you dance...dance in sorrow, dance in pain, dance in joy! Just dance.
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