Reflections of 2009

Another year has come and has gone. Isn't it every year that we evaluate on this day, who we are, where we've come, and what we long to be. It has been an emotional morning for me as I awoke and reflected. I just happened to watch the "year in review" on prime time and am amazed at all the major events that happened in 2009. Some great and noble, some clouded in scandal, and mostly sadness. I am reminded of a fallen world, so in need of a redeeming Savior. My heart was overwhelmed as I was reminded of the suffering economy and those without jobs and relying on welfare to survive. I have much to be thankful for and am so, so blessed.

A year ago today, I lost my sweet grandmother. I told Jacob yesterday how I couldn't believe that it's been a year. How I miss her! Yet, I know where she is and am comforted by the very Presence that she dwells with this very second.

Christmas was really difficult for me this year. I don't mean to be Debbie Downer, so hang with me here because it will get better, I promise! As much as I prayed to turn my focus on what Christmas really means, I felt truly sad in my heart. I couldn't help but feel the weight of my empty arms and empty belly. As the twins would-be due date gets closer and closer, I am filled with sorrow. I battled my flesh to the point of emotional exhaustion. Do I trust the Lord? Yes! Do I believe he is for me? Absolutely. Then "why so downcast, oh my soul?" I can't even put it into words, I feel incomplete sometimes, like a piece of the puzzle is missing. I'll be honest enough and say that these last couple months have been extremely difficult with all the change, the stress of work, and my body not working. I've been distant, I've let the enemy distract and torture me with his lies. I imagine every women who battles with loss or infertility gets to this place at some point in their journey. It's a lonely, lonely place. To my sisters who walk this road, I pray for you. Trust in the Almighty, he has not abandoned you. Nor has he abandoned me. He is with me, he has gone before me.

Here we are, in a new place....with new visions and places and people. I know God has great purpose for us here, for me, for Jacob...with who he has designed for us to meet and where he has hand-picked for us to minister and to serve. Our purpose is to glorify his name in all we do. It's a new day.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18-19

I am believing God for who he is this year. I am setting my heart to have a deeper faith, the kind that steps when there is no step and believes God to make one. Oh Lord, please continue to enlarge my faith! I long to be a woman that prays more and speaks less. Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear! I pray that I can love others deeply with the love of Christ. I have so much more to learn and miles to go. I am thankful for a new year that can be an incredible year.

So, yeah 2010! Here come the Martins! I hope you are ready for us.