Moriah's Birth Story

I can't believe she's going to be one month next week! How does that happen? It's been on my heart to put her story in words while it's still fresh in my mind, but our little one has been battling reflux and now that we have it under control, praise the Lord...I can manage thoughts and form complete sentences. We love this little girl more than words can express, she is the Lord's first and foremost, and she is ours, His gift to us. I feel so blessed, I feel his hand resting over us more than I ever have. There is no difference in our love for her even if I'd carried her for nine months and bore her myself. We'd do anything for her. I hear all the time from friends that having a child brings about such spiritual revelation on truly seeing God's great love for us as a Dad...but I truly believe him giving her to us through adoption makes it even more real. What a parallel to his love for us and the how he has called us his own through our spiritual adoption.

When I think back to June 8th, K's water had already been broken and we were waiting on this little girl to arrive. My heart was so full, so completely overwhelmed, in a good way. To tell you all that God did in those 48 hours in Fort Worth will take some time, but I promise you that you'll be blessed and you'll be encouraged because God is so faithful and he revealed himself to every person that entered that room in a powerful and mighty way. I think this post will mainly be all the details of the day....I'll get to the weighty stuff next.

Jacob and I arrived at the hospital Wednesday morning June 8th at 7:30. We brought with us our dear friend, Kristen Laughlin, who is an adoption photographer. Here's her site if you're interested in seeing her work, http://www.kristinjphotography.com/. She travels with families to capture the great story of their adoptions. She's incredibly gifted and it was even more of a blessing to have her there for support and encouragement. K was so gracious and allowed Kristen to be in the delivery room and capture those first moments and my face as our little girl came into the world.

K had already been at 2cm before she arrived at the hospital. They were inducing at 38.5 weeks because her blood pressure was really high and she was swelling too much. They started her on pitocin around 8 and broke her water at 9:30am. She labored until 1:30 and her pain went from 0 to 7. She made it to 4cm and asked for her epidural. After the epidural she stalled a bit at 4 and around 3pm they flipped her on her side and she went from 4-6cm in about an hour. Then they flipped her back to the other side and about 45 min later she told us she felt the urge to push. We called in her nurse and she was at a 9! It seemed like she began pushing only about 45 min after that. Labor became intense and because her blood pressure was at 255/120, they would only let her push every other contraction for fear she could have a stroke. As those that have been through labor know, it's insanely hard not to push when everything in your body is telling you too. Both K and her precious mom were crying and she was struggling with the pain. They called in the anesthesiologist for one more block on the epidural about 45 min before Moriah was born. I knew I had to be strong. Her mom because she was watching her daughter hurt so badly and was hating it. I made eye contact with Kristen a couple times, knew she was praying. I also mouthed to K's mom to "hang in there" and I prayed. I prayed my little heart out asking God to protect K and Moriah. Baby girl was crowning with every push and then would move back up. It was intense. As her doctor came in, I knew it was close. At 8:55pm, she came out face up and tiny! I cut the cord and blood sprayed all over my sweater! They whisked her off to the baby nurse team and we heard those little cries. I was the first to hold her, then K, and then Jacob. Oh what joy! I just can't even describe watching my daughter be born. It was the most incredible event I've ever witnessed and I will never ever forget it. I am not sure how you could doubt that there is a Creator after seeing such a miracle. When J came in to see his little girl for the first time my heart melted and so did his. He's such an incredible daddy, felt bonded to her from the second he took her in his arms.

What a joy for God to provide strong Christian nurses all day long! Lynda and Jamie were incredible, and it made it all the more sweeter to have sisters in the Lord helping our sweet K. We had sweet Anna who gave Moriah her first bath and who hugged Jacob and I and cried with us...giving us a beautiful poem before we left about being a mom. Also thankful for all of our baby nurses who took care of our sweet biscuit, for Stacy, who had a miscarriage last Christmas, we cried many tears together. What a blessing that K gave me in allowing me to be there in that room and plug this event away in my mind to share with our daughter one day.

I pondered all of this in the next 48 hours while we waited for placement. I was so overwhelmed, for K and her decision, for the long awaited gift asleep in my arms, for our families there, and for the love I felt for K and her family. It was all I could do to keep it together.

Moriah Kayte Martin

Our precious little girl was born Wednesday June 8th at 9:00pm. She was 6 lbs, 14 oz and 20.5 inches. She's precious and I can't wait to share her birth/adoption story with yall. It was an incredible event, and we're so blessed. Our birthmother is amazing, we love her and her family more than words can say. More to come, but here's a picture for now.

La Vida Loca

Ugh, I am a bad blogger. Does preparing for a baby, having surgery, hiring and training a new assistant excuse me?

First things first, we got to meet our sweet birthmother. K is a precious, precious young lady. We had dinner with her and her parents. Her mom had bought me the Motherhood necklace from James Avery, so special to me! K had framed all four ultrasounds pictures of our baby girl. I just love it! it sits on our dresser and I stare at it everyday. She and I text often and we talk about once a week. She is 31 weeks pregnant, baby girl Martin is going to be here soon! A lot of walls came down after meeting her. She is very secure with this decision and has parents who have backed adoption from the beginning. It's about as good as it gets in adoption. Not only has she asked me to be in the delivery room, but she's asked for our families to come to the hospital. What a gift yall! It just doesn't happen in adoption. We're so extremely blessed!

We continue to pray diligently for K. She carries a lot of shame still. She needs to know Jesus paid the price for that shame. I hope to have a chance when we visit in late May and she and I get some time alone, to share the gospel with her. She claims to know God, but she's very confused on who he is.

One of the most amazing parts of adoption is praying for K. If I was pregnant and praying for this precious baby, my greatest prayer would be that she would "love the Lord with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength." With adoption, we are praying that same prayer for K. The Lord has continually reminded us that this adoption isn't just about him granting the desire of our heart for a family. It's really about so much more. It's kingdom minded, loving K and her family, having gospel intentionality. He's literally moved mountains to bring this baby home, and J and I are so stinking humbled to be a small part of this greater story.

Surgery....I am currently awaiting surgery on Wednesday morning. I had some intense bleeding last week and we took a trip, against my will, to the ER. I hate ER's, that could be an entire post. They found a large and vascular polyp in my uterus. It's been a tough week and a half. Medication was used to stop the bleeding, there was almost another ER trip and emergency surgery, but the Lord answered prayers and it's subsided. I am supplementing with iron, and feel much better this week. Would love prayers for my pain and recovery. It's a two hour surgery, my doctor will be very meticulous. Thankful for that as well!

Vacation.....I leave for a vacation with my mom in three and half weeks! So pumped. I have at least 18 baby books to read, but it will be nice to get away before baby M arrives.

Registering...where to even begin. So....much...research. I am thankful for mom friends with advice. Oh how I love Amazon's universal registry!

Shower...the girls here in Austin are throwing me a baby shower in about two weeks. I am so pumped and just can't believe this is all happening! K and her mom wanted me to have something to open from them, isn't that just so sweet? The ladies attending this shower have prayed down the heavens for this little baby girl, so it will be very special to celebrate what God has done.

Making room....we'll have a full house this summer. J will be in Dallas during the week for his internship and we'll have two college girls, two dogs, and a baby due around June 19th! Party at our place!

Gratitude.....living each day giving thanks, even for the trials. The Lord is teaching me so much about living a life of deep gratitude. He's been using Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts" to open my eyes. Highly recommend her book, it will insanely challenge you.

The Call

It was a week ago today that we received the long awaited "call". Yes, friends...we have a birthmother who wants to match with us!!

It was like every other Monday, waking up and making breakfast for Jacob, starting my work day, getting ready for noon yoga, yet the Lord was waiting to bless us, waiting to reveal the next part of his perfect plan, all of heaven waited in anticipation. And me, I was putting on my mascara.

Yes, getting ready and standing at the mirror. As I stood there, lost in my routine, I thought about the last month...how painful it had been. Two and a half weeks before we had lost another precious baby. Ten days before that I stared at a positive test, the third in my life. We thought this pregnancy would surely last, God surprised us with a gift....he changed the plan because we had fully surrendered our will to Him and totally laid down ever having biological kids. And, we were beyond excited to adopt, we love adoption and God in his great power had raised $35,000 for us to adopt! But, we celebrated and trusted in a Dad who's been so good to us. We once again gave our hearts over to joy and to the life growing inside of me. It honored God to celebrate his gift of life, no matter how short-lived that life was. So, again he only took what he first gave. And he took away thinking about last Monday. He took away watching our hearts fail within us, but he thought about little hands and little feet, and he looked ahead to the joy He is going to reveal. But, we were shattered and our hearts ached. I felt numb in those first days after our loss...I sat in my bed and wondered if this was truly necessary. How could it possibly be for our good? He sent me here:

1 Peter 3:6-7 "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." emphasis mine

I wrote the date 2/19/11 by this verse and the words, "one day we'll know fully". Friends, God was once again testing the "genuineness of our faith". He had deemed this pain necessary for our faith to be further increased. He was asking us to trust Him in the fire knowing the eternal purpose.

And all the while, he was thinking about last Monday.

Our precious community rallied around us, and we just love them so much. They fed us, wept with us, washed us in the Word, and "bore our burdens" with us. True biblical community, what a precious gift it is!

Back to last Monday morning, as I put on the mascara which in a few short hours would be all over my face, I had this overwhelming thought in my heart that our caseworker was going to call, and not only was she going to call, but she had a baby for us. I quickly dismissed and pushed this thought away, a lot of self-talk on how silly I was being. Looking back, the Holy Spirit was preparing me for this call. As I drove to yoga and exited the freeway, my phone rang and Gladney came up on the screen. I about wrecked off the road, I quickly pulled over and answered. She did have a match for us. As she spilled all the details, I literally couldn't keep it together...and even more overwhelming than this precious birthmom choosing us and the baby she is carrying...was the fact that an hour before the Lord had revealed it to my heart!! I wept. Such an amazing feeling, and one week later, I'm still just as amazed at how the Lord choose to reveal all of this.

Friday at 5pm was the most nervous I've ever been for any call in my life. All day I had butterflies. Our phone rang and I answered knowing who was on the other line and Jacob and I began a conversation with the young woman who wants to give us her baby to be our own. Surreal doesn't even cut it. She's precious and we love her already. It was an amazing and natural conversation. And in two weeks or so, we will travel to meet her and her family. She's due June 19th and with a precious baby

GIRL!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness, can't even begin to descrive how elated we are about this baby girl!!We hope and believe that no matter the outcome in the end, God is for us. So, today we celebrate how good Jesus is! We celebrate and we believe he is sovereign and that his plan for our lives is perfect. I know so many of yall have prayed and prayed your hearts out for this day to come, and we are just so thankful for those prayers. God is good.

"Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up." Hosea 6:1

For My Love-Blueberry Coconut Pecan Pancakes with Maple Coconut Syrup

Hey friends! Well after drudging through busy season and battling my first cold in over three years for the last 8 days...I think I can safely say that I am back! In honor of February beginning tomorrow, the month of our third wedding anniversary (2/2) and Valentine's Day...I made pancakes for my love this morning. They were a huge hit, and are a healthier, whole grain, low sugar, good oil, breakfast option.

Here's my recipe:

1 1/2 cups of whole grain spelt flour
2 tsp of baking powder
1 tsp of cinnamon
2 pinches of salt
1/4 tsp Maca powder (optional)
1 1/3 cup of almond milk
fresh blueberries
pecan pieces
shredded unsweetened coconut

Syrup recipe from Angela with Oh She Glows:

1 heaping TB of coconut oil
3 TB of maple syrup

Whisk the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl and slowly stir in the almond milk. Heat a griddle over medium heat and spray with olive oil (or any cooking spray). Drop 3 spoonfuls of batter on griddle and sprinkle with pecans, blueberries, and coconut. Flip when bubbling (about two minutes) and cook other side. Makes about 6-7 small pancakes.



For syrup, mix oil and maple syrup together on low heat in a saucepan. Enjoy!

And it Begins....

We received our first call from our caseworker, B, three days after her approval of our profile. I had sent it to press and we didn't even have copies in hand yet. It was an insane week, as I was in Houston for work and Jacob was preparing for finals. It was a tough first call, a very hard situation. Jacob and I prayed over it and wrestled with it and slept on it and decided it wasn't something we should say "yes" to. There's so much more to it, I just can't give details. We believe the Lord was working in our hearts, and know without a doubt that we made the right decision. The next day, YES....the next day, B called again with another opportunity. This opportunity we said YES to, which means our profile was shown to this birthmother, who we will refer to as H. H had already had this baby, a little boy, he was three weeks old. Talk about crazy to wrap your mind around, we could have a son! She narrowed it down to us and one other family, and was putting together a list of questions for each. Then Thanksgiving came and went and we heard nothing. After another week, I emailed B and she said H was under a lot of pressure from her mother and the agency was backing off to give her space. That's the last we've heard. I've prayed for H as often as the Lord brings her to mind, she is young and has much on her plate. It is a privilege to pray for her.

Yes, it was so exciting and unexpected to get calls so quickly. We had been prepared by the agency for 9-12 months of waiting, and it could still very well be that length, but it was a shock for it to be DAYS. Yes, it been a little bit of a let down to feel like we were close and then to hear nothing for the last month. BUT God know and sees. I have to resist the temptation to think of these experiences as cruel...as though God was "holding out the carrot" for me. This was for our good, and even though I don't understand it...I don't need to. I just need to wait well and trust His sovereignty.

I read this today off the Christian Adoption Service blog and it was a great reminder for me. I hope it encourages you as well.

Waiting and Wondering
By Wendy Lawton
From Impressions in Clay
copyrighted 2005 by Wendy Lawton.
Published by Moody Publishers.
Journey November 2010
Pages 16-18

We spend much of our lives waiting. We wait in lines to buy food. We wait on a street corner for a bus. When we are children, we wait impatiently to grow up. As adults we wait with dread for old age to set in. Some of us wait for healing. Others wait for circumstances to change. When we read the word wait in the Bible, it often means an entirely different thing. In our everyday lives, drumming fingers, twiddling thumbs, or restless pacing usually accompany our waiting. The waiting we see in the Bible is all about supplication and relationship. When we hear "wait on the Lord," the injunction is to be quiet, to listen, to pray, to anticipate. It's the opposite of the everyday uneasy wait. It's not about lines and delays; it's about being still and getting connected. We can learn to wait on the Lord in the everyday bustle of life. As we spend precious minutes delayed at the airport or waiting for someone at the doctor's office, we can learn to really wait, to listen for God's voice. Back in Jerusalem, had Jeremiah seen the pot through to completion, he might have been dismayed to discover that even a perfectly formed vessel still has a long way to go. After the pot is made, the potter turns his back on the vessel while it's put on a shelf to air-dry. It's an image to ponder-- the vessel, set aside, becoming drier and drier. The image resonates with me. It parallels those times when I experience spiritual and emotional dryness. I've noticed that I begin to describe those strange wilderness times with phrases that begin with "I feel ..." or "I think ..." For instance, I may feel God is far away. Or I think He's turned His back on me for some reason. I feel as if I can't pray. I think God no longer listens. Imagine the feelings of htat set-aside pot, banished to the drying shelf while he hears the potter working on a new vessel. Perhaps he longs to have the potter's hands on his moist clay once again. Instead, he feels his clay body getting drier and drier. What he wouldn't give for the potter to simply turn around and acknowledge him. The sun comes in through the window behind him, and with way too much time on his hands, he starts noticing the shadows cast against the shed wall. How come he never noticed relative size before? Some might even characterize him as a modest-sized pot compared to the others. What if his mission in life is to be equally modest? He looks around, trying to compare his shape to the shape of the other pots in the drying room when he catches a movement through the doorway. It's a new pot rising from the potter's wheel. What? It's the biggest pot yet. Surely it will hold enough wine for a wedding feast. He feels further diminished, and still the potter never turns away from the moving wheel. Think ... Feel ... the words themselves give a clue to the problem. This set-aside time in our spiritual journey is often marked by words of emotion. The anthropomorphic pot in our example gave in to insecurities and started comparing himself to others. The more diminished he felt, the more his neediness grew. We've all experienced this. Sometimes insecurity is followed by other emotions life anger. "What am I?" "Why not me?" Or jealousy. "Why does God prosper that person's business when I've been serving Him for 20 years?" Or it may even take a self-deprecating turn. "I'm worthless and this proves it." The most important thing to remember is that emotions are great deceivers. Do not trust them. Our pot didn't have all the facts. The potter knew that if the clay body of the vessel didn't dry completely problems would occur in the firing and the pot could be lost. Just a bit of moisture could cause the glaze to crawl, ruining the pot in the end. The pot compared himself to the larger jar, but he had no idea what the potter had in store for him. What if the modest pot were to be decorated with a design of cobalt and gold and become a vessel to hold frankincense for a king? Or what if he remained a modest clay vessel whose only task was to pour drops of water onto lips of children dying from thirst? Who can begin to know the eternal worth of our mission? In the midst of a dry season in our life, we need to hold on to God's words. Did He say He'd never leave us? Grab that promise. Replace untrustworthy emotions with solid truth. Whether we feel connected, but we've made the intellectual decision to believe His promises. Hosea 6:3 says, "Let us strive to know the Lord. His appearance is as sure as the dawn. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring showers that water the land." That's a promise, no matter how dry we feel.

We Are a Waiting Family!

It is with utter joy that I type out that title. I'm devastated...the good kind of devastated. I just can't even believe it! Let me give you the back ground, so you too can share in the joy...of a God who is SO faithful!

Two weeks ago tonight we were about $4500 away from this part of the payment. I'll give you a better understanding of the process. Our agency breaks it down into three payments. 25% of the total to begin the process (homestudy), 50% to be waiting and approved, and the final 25% at the match with a birthmother. This middle payment is $17,500. That's a nice, new car my friends. Back to tonight two weeks ago, we got a call that a generous person wanted to finish out this payment, all of it. Done. We were floored. Blessed. Our hearts were so full. I worked my tail off to finish our profile that weekend so our caseworker could approve it Monday. Fast forward to Tuesday, and I get an email from the agency saying that we have a balance of $1070. There had been a miscalculation. I was devastated...the not good kind. If I am going to be honest, and I am, I was angry. I might as well have shook my fists at God. "Lord, how could you get us this close and have us rejoice in what you've done, to only find out that we aren't there?" I was low. I pitied myself. I compared. I moped. I felt abandoned and mistreated. I ached. Lots of ugly. I didn't tell many people what happened, which was hard because I had announced it on FB already and people knew. I have the most amazing man in the world, but it didn't affect him the same. He just knew God was going to provide. His showing of faith only made me angrier, followed by guilt over my sinful self. Good friends of ours gave us a check last Friday, which left $820. We were so thankful and blessed, but I wrestled even more with being that close. I let it create apathy in my spirit and it kept me from sweet communion with a loving God....who was indeed "working in all things for our good." That apathy reflected in my quiet times, how I treated my man, and even my conversations with others.

Today, I received a call from our caseworker. She was calling to check on us and I reminded her of our balance, literally said it out loud. "And you know we have $820 left!" It stung to hear those words come from my mouth. Her reply, "well actually, that's why I called, an anonymous donor called this morning and paid the balance in full." Long pause on my end. I could hardly reply. I felt joy and conviction. I felt heavy. I told J, but was in a bad mood for a good while...all because of my sin. I was mad at myself for missing out on the greater gift...trusting that God is completely in control. The clouds did lift and I am overjoyed! So, so thankful! I talked this all out tonight with my precious girlfriends in our community which helped me see it for what it all really is...more refining...more time on the Potter's wheel. I know it well. I am thankful for it. I have a good Dad. He loves me, in spite of myself, and my shortcomings. He's using this process to prune me into something beautiful and he's writing the most beautiful story teaching me about His grace in my own adoption through the adoption of our child.

We're praising God over here, inviting yall to praise Him with us! He's paid my balance, your balance, in full through the death of His Son on an old rugged cross.