Adoption Update

I promise I will get the pics of the nursery up, I keep forgetting to take pictures of it finished in the daylight. It turned out awesome! So did the guest room.

We are waiting on an appeals process with our agency to decide on our adoption fee. Normally, the figure the fee by your combined earnings over the past three years, however; because Jacob is back in school, our situation has changed dramatically with living now on one income. If they give us grace, then our fee will be $7,000 lower. WOW! That's substantial. So please pray for us in that. Out total fees right now are around $37,000. We have to make a big payment before we can start the homestudy and before we can apply for our church scholarship the homestudy must be completed. Then upon final approval, another bigger payment. It's so hard to just trust, why is that? I was re-reading my post from like two posts ago and I specifically mentioned us doubting...even said with finances. Well, that was humbling to read. Because here I am, struggling to hold on. I know God can provide for what he's called us to, but it's so hard and there are so many times where I am ready to throw in the towel and give up.

I have struggled with so much these past weeks. Don't ever let anyone tell you that adoption is full of butterflies and sunshine, it's downright hard, even ugly at times. Hard.....much of the time and I am not even in the waiting yet. Let me expound. It's hard when you've waited so long and prayed so long for a child, it feels so distant and obscure. It's hard to not feel like you are "buying" a baby. It's hard to not wonder if you will have an adoption loss (a birthmother changing her mind, usually after having the baby). It's insanely hard to write a "dear birthmom" letter, telling a woman you've never met how you would be good parents to her child. It's hard to continue to submit your desire for biological children to the Lord and trust that this is the way he desires to grow your family. The list goes on and on.

Yet, I know God will provide. Today the Lord used our caseworker to deeply encourage me. Her words pierced right into my soul and I sobbed through the rest of the email and in Whole Foods. I had a feeling she was a believer...and now I have no doubts. Her words were like a blanket over me. One of those spots where you feel God deeply and feel silly for your lack of faith. Have yall been there? I have really felt alone and discouraged lately. I needed someone to speak right into my soul as she did.


God is good. He knows I need him to battle for me right now. Please keep us in your prayers as we seek to trust Jesus and have patience as we wait for his plan.